My First Post

I'm not very good and writing about me! I could go on and on for my blog about my kids at www.thoughts.com/abeandharlee1

A little about me and why I want to keep this "journal" for myself....
 Throughout my childhood and teen years I stayed sick and missed out on a lot because I caught everything or just didn't feel well. My mom was always right beside me taking me to the doctor(and to JJ's afterwards for a burger and shake to make me feel "better"!!) I missed a lot of school and thanks to great teachers and Andrea and Savanah taking great notes for me, I graduated! lol Not with the best grades, and that was hard on me because I felt like I was smarter than that, but it was hard missing school.

 My mom got sick my senior year and our house burned! It was a year with lots of mixed emotions.
After graduation I was going to GSCC. I went one day and never went back. So, apparently I have really bad anxiety and I do not do so well in situations that are uncomfortable for me! I didn't want to tell anyone that I couldn't do it. I did not want anyone to be disappointed in me. Disappointing people is my greatest fear! I made myself physically sick over the fact that I quit school after one day. I know it sounds crazy to everyone, but I can only assure you that if you felt the way I did, you would had too! I was living in Alexandria with my grandparents, but I decided to go back home. I missed Stephen and I felt obligated to be there for my mother, afterall, I was her primary caregiver. The fact that I knew she needed me and that I knew I helped her made me feel better.

Anyways, to skip on a little....
 I got married to my highschool sweetie on July 2, 2005 and he graduated from SSCC and left for basic training November 29, 2005. When he got to tech school in Biloxi, I came to visit on weekends and eventually moved there for 2 months before we went to his first duty station.

July came and it was time to go to TX. Saying goodbye to my mom and sister was the hardest thing I had ever done! I sat still without bathroom breaks or anything in the passenger seat all 8 1/2 hours to Shrevport,LA!! The next day on the 2nd part of our trip I was a little more relaxed. When I saw the first sign for Ft. Hood I immediately started crying and said I wanted to go home! lol. As I mentioned before, I get anxious very easy!

Skip a little more....
 All this girl wanted was a baby! Lots of babies!! We had been trying when we actually saw each other!
Finally on August 18, 2006, the test said positive!! I was the happiest girl in the world!!
My mom and stepdad actually moved to TX!! They didn't want to miss out on the first grandbaby!!

Throughout my pregnancy I had "all day sickness" and swelling and high blood pressure, but I actually was feeling better than I did in highschool! The achiness and fatique I always felt seemed to improve while I was pregnant! I ended up having to be induced due to preeclampsia and Abram was born April 9, 2007 weighing 6lbs 8oz and 19in long!

 Abram was colic and spent a lot of time in mommy's arms! It was really rough a lot of times! Not being able to make your sweet angel stop screaming and trying everything possible to calm him down is tiring to say the least!! It made me very protective of Abram and maybe a little too much!

 Stephen deployed on Oct. 24, 2007 when Abram was 6 1/2 months old. Luckily, Abram's colic was over and he was saying Dada all the time, so Stephen really got to enjoy our sweet baby. He got to feed him baby food for the first time before he left and he had been sitting and rolling over for awhile, so he got to experience all of that! The six months Stephen was gone were pretty hard somedays! I was so fortunate to have my mother with me. She wasn't in the best of health at that time, so oddly enough having her there to look after occasionally and take to dr. appts. actually helped me.  Abram moved into the bed with mommy and out of the crib the second night Stephen was gone! lol Abram and I got very attached to each other and it was hard to be away from him for any amount of time. I became even more protective. But, you have to understand first with him being colic and so needy and then with it being just mommy and Abram for 6months it was kind of hard to not become so protective!

Abram was so excited to see his daddy when we went to pick him up. He went right to him and new exactly who he was.(probably because I put a picture in his face everyday for 6m and said see dada!)
The first night Stephen was home Abram fell asleep in his arms!! I was so excited have my family back together and to start trying for a baby girl!!

Skip a little....
 I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, August 23, 2008. We were so excited and Abram got excited the more he understood! We were especially excited when we found out we were expecting a baby girl!!!
I had a great pregnancy with Harlee minus the "all day sickness" and the extra fatigue from being pregnant and a mom of a toddler plus keeping two other toddler boys!! My mom got to TX on Wednesday the 22 of April and my water broke Thursday morning at 4am. Harlee was born at 12:33 on April 23, 2009 weighing 7lbs 15oz and 18.5in long!!
We were so fortunate to have two healthy and happy babies!!

Soon after Harlee was born all the symptoms I use to have in highschool came back with a vengeance.
With some new ones. I was always in pain and having muscle cramps and many parts of my body started going numb. I started pulling muscles very easily. I pulled my chest muscle tightening a carseat! I put off going to the doctor because I'm hard headed.

 We soon moved to our next duty station, Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS. We were so happy to be so close to home!

My symptoms continued to get worse. I started getting very clumsy(which is unlike me). Stephen and I laugh and the number of things that have broke since October 1 2009. I think I am holding onto things good, but apparently not. My right hand doesn't like having to grasp things! lol
My fatigue has been the most bothersome thing for me. Somedays it honestly takes everything I have to get out of bed. Its a strange feeling. I actually feel my energy level going down to point where my head feels to heavy to hold up. What do I do when I wake up and feel this way?? I don't have any options. My children are my sweet blessings and they deserve to have an awesome day, so I get up and it may be slowly or with a limp occassionally, but I do it. I run, I play, I read and laugh and try to teach them things and when they are playing with each other, I slide away and rest and sometimes cry or call my mom!

I recenty went to the doctor due to the fact that my husband and mother told me that I was doing it or else they would put me in the car and take me themselves! lol. The fact that they cared so much was enough for me to go. He did test and sent me to a rheumatologist and after process of emlimination and having all the symptoms, she said I had Fibromyalgia. Which she did not even explain to me, she just said here is a prescription and this should help your pain and numbness and tingling. The clumsiness and memory problems, not being able to find my words, she basically said, I had to learn to deal with that! Although she didn't explain anything to me, I knew exactly what was going on. My mother has had fibromyalgia since I was a junior or senior in hs.

I was pretty upset because my doctor lacked compassion, but fortunate that she gave me a diagnosis and medicine. So many people go to the doctor for years before they are diagnosed because it is hard to diagnose and not understood by many people even doctors. So, I sucked up the fact that my doctor wasnt compassionate like myself and I moved on to my next thoughts!

Which are............

 -I am 25 and a stay at home mother of two very active toddlers and I will not let my body control my life! I refuse to have my children ever wonder why mommy doesn't ever play!!! So, please when you are feeling down or are in pain dig for that strength that we all have within ourselves and get up and go! Always rest along the way though!!!

 I am blessed beyond belief to have an amazing husband that caters to me on the weekends! He does most of the cooking, cleaning and playing while I rest! I make the most of everyday and rarely say no to having fun with my kiddos!

 There are so many people in this world suffering from something. You do not have to be sick or in pain to have troubles! Always remember to have Faith in our Mighty God and know that he created us, so he knows exactly how much we can take, and when it feels like too much take it to the Lord in prayer.

Don't forget to "Count your Blessings"