Little Reminders

 This morning I woke up to a sweet letter from my husband. It really made me think. I am blessed beyond words to have such an amazing husband. Don't get me wrong, he most definitely has his faults, but he loves me with all that he is and he loves his children just as much or more, and that is what's important. It is nice to have little reminders that let you know you are special to someone. I try my best to make sure the people in my life know that they are loved, appreciated and special and I hope they know!

Here is the sweet letter from my husband....(excuse his sloppy handwriting)

My Mother's Day

 I had such an amazing mother's day, so I need to blog about it!

 First off, I am blessed beyond words with an amazing mother. She has always been my rock and my safe place to go. I have always looked up to my mother for many reasons. She has overcame a lot in her life, but it never caused her to be any less of a mother. I have always wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember and I wanted to be just like mine! Thank You mom for always being there for me and loving me unconditionally!
                        My Mom! Abram and Harlee with their Nana

 Being a mother is honestly the most amazing feeling that can be imagined. Being a mother is something I always dreamed of. I am so honoured to be Abram and Harlee's mom. I am so grateful to God that he saw it fit for Stephen and I to have two healthy, happy babies. The day my children entered this world are the most magical and memorable days of my life. There is nothing more beautiful.

 I have celebrated 5 mother's days so far, and they have all been so special to me. This year I got a beautiful ring and a card. The kids wore I love mommy shirts all day! We went out for dinner the night before and spent the afternoon at the beach. I also got to spend the weekend with my sister in law, Amie and my nephew, Sawyer! I didn't have to lift a finger in the kitchen all weekend! My idea of a good day is a day where I get to take a break from cooking! Stephen did everything that needed to be done! I spent the morning with the kids and that afternoon, while they were napping I went to the mall and did a little shopping! (every mom needs a Very Sexy VS push up bra on mom's day!!) We also went to the park which is always nice for me, because I love playing with the kids and watching them have fun! Unfortunately, as great a day as I was having, I was also in a good deal of pain. My hands had been bothering me for a few days, but Sunday they were hurting really bad, so my sweet hubby had me go lay down at 6 30. Even though I couldn't sleep, I got plenty of rest and I feel a lot better today! Stephen and the kids made my Mother's Day so special. They show me love everyday, but it is nice to have a day that is all about you!
                 Mommy and Abram                  Mommy and Harlee           

 I hope and pray to have many, many more special mother's days with my children and my mother!

Catching Up

 I haven't done a post in a few weeks. It has been a little crazy around here!
We went on vacation and came home sick and we are just now getting better. We had the cold that apparently didn't want to leave!

 The past three weeks have been really good for me. I have took more "me" time than I have in four years! I'm one of those  moms that feels guilty about leaving their child and having fun without them. Thankfully, for my sanity, I have saw the light! I finally realized that for me to be the best mom I could be and wanted to be that I had to start being nicer to myself! Like most mothers my children are my world, but I tend to forget about myself and get lost in the world revolving around my babies!
 While home in Alabama I had a great girl's night that really helped me see how important it is for us mothers and women in general to have time for ourselves and each other! So, thank you Brittanee, Savanah and Andrea! Love you girls!

We also took a vacation to the Smokies. A week away from home was nice. Although, we still did laundry and picked up toys! It was great to not cook supper! That is my favorite thing about vacation. I love to cook, but my goodness it gets old! Stephen and I went out one night by ourselves and that was really nice! Plus, the grandparents always enjoy time with the grandbabies without mom and dad there to ruin everything!

My baby boy turned four while we were on vacation. He had a small pirate party and he loved every minute of it! The kid loves days all about him! What can I say, he is me just the male version! Abram turning four was hard for me. Four seems so big and I just want him to be my baby forever! He is so unique and so special. He is so much like me and I understand him. He thinks like me and has too many fears like me. He is overly cautious and  a bit of a party pooper at times, but he is filled with so much love and compassion.  His humor and heart can make anyone smile! I hope he always know just how special he is!He is a strangers best friend and can carry on a conversation with anyone he comes in contact with! He entered this world with his eyes wide open and ready for conversation and he hasn't hushed since!!

 The weekend after we got home from the Smokies I was suppose to go to Orange Beach for the weekend for Carrie's bridal shower! I was sick all week, so I didn't leave until Saturday morning. I'm so glad I did! It was the longest I had ever been away from Harlee, but I knew I was just 2hrs away and that she was in great hands! I knew Stephen would enjoy a whole day and night with just him and the kids! I had a great time. I loved that I got to spend time with my sisters(Talya and Carrie) and my best friend plus other great girls!! My medicine I take caused me to get extremely blistered and I was in a lot of pain, so I left early Sunday morning to come home and hopefully sleep and feel better! That didn't happen! Fibromyalgia patients are not suppose to get too hot or definitely not sunburned, so it was a rough few days. The second day it was hard to walk because my legs were so burned! I almost went to the ER because I thought it couldn't be normal to be in that much pain! Thankfully, other than hilarious tan lines, I am all good now!!

 Friday the 22nd my mom and Billy, Talya, Dustin and Amelia got to our home late that night! They came for Harlee's birthday and Easter. My papa and mamaSandra got here Saturday. We had a great time! We always love having family and friend come stay with us. It gets crowded and messy fast, but I love every minute of it!!

 It is hard to believe my baby girl is two. It still seems like yesterday she was turning one!  Harlee is her own little person. She is passionate about everything and loves and dislike with all that she is! She is so friendly to strangers, but not so much to some family members! She can make you feel stupid in a matter of seconds and I promise she has been that way since before she could talk! When she was an infant she would look at you and stare when you tried to make her laugh! She gives the same look today that she had in my 4d ultrasound!! She has such a unique beauty about her and I believe she is going to be very smart! She is already a princess and very dramatic! (that she gets from me!)  She has to be one of the most loving children I have ever met. If you are fortunate enough to be liked by Harlee she will smother you with affection! She has a special place in my heart and the day she was born was such a magical day for me. Everything about that day was so special! Harlee had a great 2nd birthday and I think she really enjoyed it being all about her!

 We had a great Easter! I have so much to be thankful for! I am so thankful that my Lord and Savior lives and that he has blessed me with an amazing family to celebrate such holidays as Easter with.Speaking of being thankful, I am so thankful for my husband. I take for granted what a kind, loving and compassionate husband I have. I feel so blessed to have someone who loves me just the way I am. Overweight, in pain a lot of days, moody, over emotional and very fatiqued and he loves all of that, because it is me! I overlook all these things too much. I focus more on his negatives instead of his positives and that stops now!! I am also so thankful for my mother and sister! It goes without saying that no matter what they are there for me and it is so comforting to know that I always have them! I tell the kids all the time how thankful I am for them even though they don't fully understand. I don't tell my husband, mother and sister enough how thankful I am for them!

 I've learned a lot the past few weeks and realized a lot about myself and other people. I know now that I am a better me if I take more time for myself. I also realized that I am more blessed than I give God credit for!

 Thats all for tonight! Remember to Count your Blessing! LJ

My First Post

I'm not very good and writing about me! I could go on and on for my blog about my kids at www.thoughts.com/abeandharlee1

A little about me and why I want to keep this "journal" for myself....
 Throughout my childhood and teen years I stayed sick and missed out on a lot because I caught everything or just didn't feel well. My mom was always right beside me taking me to the doctor(and to JJ's afterwards for a burger and shake to make me feel "better"!!) I missed a lot of school and thanks to great teachers and Andrea and Savanah taking great notes for me, I graduated! lol Not with the best grades, and that was hard on me because I felt like I was smarter than that, but it was hard missing school.

 My mom got sick my senior year and our house burned! It was a year with lots of mixed emotions.
After graduation I was going to GSCC. I went one day and never went back. So, apparently I have really bad anxiety and I do not do so well in situations that are uncomfortable for me! I didn't want to tell anyone that I couldn't do it. I did not want anyone to be disappointed in me. Disappointing people is my greatest fear! I made myself physically sick over the fact that I quit school after one day. I know it sounds crazy to everyone, but I can only assure you that if you felt the way I did, you would had too! I was living in Alexandria with my grandparents, but I decided to go back home. I missed Stephen and I felt obligated to be there for my mother, afterall, I was her primary caregiver. The fact that I knew she needed me and that I knew I helped her made me feel better.

Anyways, to skip on a little....
 I got married to my highschool sweetie on July 2, 2005 and he graduated from SSCC and left for basic training November 29, 2005. When he got to tech school in Biloxi, I came to visit on weekends and eventually moved there for 2 months before we went to his first duty station.

July came and it was time to go to TX. Saying goodbye to my mom and sister was the hardest thing I had ever done! I sat still without bathroom breaks or anything in the passenger seat all 8 1/2 hours to Shrevport,LA!! The next day on the 2nd part of our trip I was a little more relaxed. When I saw the first sign for Ft. Hood I immediately started crying and said I wanted to go home! lol. As I mentioned before, I get anxious very easy!

Skip a little more....
 All this girl wanted was a baby! Lots of babies!! We had been trying when we actually saw each other!
Finally on August 18, 2006, the test said positive!! I was the happiest girl in the world!!
My mom and stepdad actually moved to TX!! They didn't want to miss out on the first grandbaby!!

Throughout my pregnancy I had "all day sickness" and swelling and high blood pressure, but I actually was feeling better than I did in highschool! The achiness and fatique I always felt seemed to improve while I was pregnant! I ended up having to be induced due to preeclampsia and Abram was born April 9, 2007 weighing 6lbs 8oz and 19in long!

 Abram was colic and spent a lot of time in mommy's arms! It was really rough a lot of times! Not being able to make your sweet angel stop screaming and trying everything possible to calm him down is tiring to say the least!! It made me very protective of Abram and maybe a little too much!

 Stephen deployed on Oct. 24, 2007 when Abram was 6 1/2 months old. Luckily, Abram's colic was over and he was saying Dada all the time, so Stephen really got to enjoy our sweet baby. He got to feed him baby food for the first time before he left and he had been sitting and rolling over for awhile, so he got to experience all of that! The six months Stephen was gone were pretty hard somedays! I was so fortunate to have my mother with me. She wasn't in the best of health at that time, so oddly enough having her there to look after occasionally and take to dr. appts. actually helped me.  Abram moved into the bed with mommy and out of the crib the second night Stephen was gone! lol Abram and I got very attached to each other and it was hard to be away from him for any amount of time. I became even more protective. But, you have to understand first with him being colic and so needy and then with it being just mommy and Abram for 6months it was kind of hard to not become so protective!

Abram was so excited to see his daddy when we went to pick him up. He went right to him and new exactly who he was.(probably because I put a picture in his face everyday for 6m and said see dada!)
The first night Stephen was home Abram fell asleep in his arms!! I was so excited have my family back together and to start trying for a baby girl!!

Skip a little....
 I found out I was pregnant with baby #2, August 23, 2008. We were so excited and Abram got excited the more he understood! We were especially excited when we found out we were expecting a baby girl!!!
I had a great pregnancy with Harlee minus the "all day sickness" and the extra fatigue from being pregnant and a mom of a toddler plus keeping two other toddler boys!! My mom got to TX on Wednesday the 22 of April and my water broke Thursday morning at 4am. Harlee was born at 12:33 on April 23, 2009 weighing 7lbs 15oz and 18.5in long!!
We were so fortunate to have two healthy and happy babies!!

Soon after Harlee was born all the symptoms I use to have in highschool came back with a vengeance.
With some new ones. I was always in pain and having muscle cramps and many parts of my body started going numb. I started pulling muscles very easily. I pulled my chest muscle tightening a carseat! I put off going to the doctor because I'm hard headed.

 We soon moved to our next duty station, Keesler AFB in Biloxi, MS. We were so happy to be so close to home!

My symptoms continued to get worse. I started getting very clumsy(which is unlike me). Stephen and I laugh and the number of things that have broke since October 1 2009. I think I am holding onto things good, but apparently not. My right hand doesn't like having to grasp things! lol
My fatigue has been the most bothersome thing for me. Somedays it honestly takes everything I have to get out of bed. Its a strange feeling. I actually feel my energy level going down to point where my head feels to heavy to hold up. What do I do when I wake up and feel this way?? I don't have any options. My children are my sweet blessings and they deserve to have an awesome day, so I get up and it may be slowly or with a limp occassionally, but I do it. I run, I play, I read and laugh and try to teach them things and when they are playing with each other, I slide away and rest and sometimes cry or call my mom!

I recenty went to the doctor due to the fact that my husband and mother told me that I was doing it or else they would put me in the car and take me themselves! lol. The fact that they cared so much was enough for me to go. He did test and sent me to a rheumatologist and after process of emlimination and having all the symptoms, she said I had Fibromyalgia. Which she did not even explain to me, she just said here is a prescription and this should help your pain and numbness and tingling. The clumsiness and memory problems, not being able to find my words, she basically said, I had to learn to deal with that! Although she didn't explain anything to me, I knew exactly what was going on. My mother has had fibromyalgia since I was a junior or senior in hs.

I was pretty upset because my doctor lacked compassion, but fortunate that she gave me a diagnosis and medicine. So many people go to the doctor for years before they are diagnosed because it is hard to diagnose and not understood by many people even doctors. So, I sucked up the fact that my doctor wasnt compassionate like myself and I moved on to my next thoughts!

Which are............

 -I am 25 and a stay at home mother of two very active toddlers and I will not let my body control my life! I refuse to have my children ever wonder why mommy doesn't ever play!!! So, please when you are feeling down or are in pain dig for that strength that we all have within ourselves and get up and go! Always rest along the way though!!!

 I am blessed beyond belief to have an amazing husband that caters to me on the weekends! He does most of the cooking, cleaning and playing while I rest! I make the most of everyday and rarely say no to having fun with my kiddos!

 There are so many people in this world suffering from something. You do not have to be sick or in pain to have troubles! Always remember to have Faith in our Mighty God and know that he created us, so he knows exactly how much we can take, and when it feels like too much take it to the Lord in prayer.

Don't forget to "Count your Blessings"